Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How to Keep Your WIFE HAPPY (For Good Husbands... and Wives Too)

(Image copyrighted to DjBryle)
“… I wish I could have five lives. Then I could have been born in five different towns, and eaten five times’s worth of food, and had five different careers, and fallen in love with THE SAME PERSON FIVE TIMES…” This is a quote sent to me through a text message from a good friend few days ago, and it made me laugh and think twice. Would a married man tell these things whole heartedly after marrying the woman he fell in love with?

Most of the time, I can hear my guy buddies complain about their wives being insensitive and how much they have changed after marriage. I laugh and say that, most (if not all) married women are asking those same questions.  As the old adage says, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus…” the two genders will never ever really understand each other as much as they want to.

I know that I am not in the right position to suggest things that may alleviate the burdens of these married men. As one of those women from Venus, I honestly don’t know how to understand men as much as I would like to. So I humbly admit that all I could do to give a little help for my buddies and to some husbands out there is to remind them again what truly makes a woman happy.

Gone are the days when you were both care free and could spend all the time being alone since your first child was born. And as naturally as other married people, you can always watch so many things that seem to change, like her mood that used to be so jolly and loving turned into being rude. She may also be feeling tired and exhausted most of the time that you slowly feel like you are her last priority. Before you worry so much about the “evolution” of an adorable woman into a horrible monster, think twice. Here are a few things to keep in mind to at least understand your loving wife:
  • Marriage has given both of you new tasks and responsibilities, this means that both of you should adjust and make compromises if necessary.
  • If you worry that your wife is becoming physically ugly, analyze why. She might not have so much time to take care of herself because she puts the needs of your kids and yours her first priority before her own.
  • Being a single woman is so much easier than being a mom and wife, so if she starts to show some mood swings, or starts being rude, realize that she may need more of your attention and needs to communicate, or she might need some time alone.
  • Many (if not all) husbands manifest alterations from adorable to being a “monster” without them realizing it. So, before wondering why your wife is becoming a fearsome monster, be wary of your unconscious evolution too. You might be one of the causes of your wife’s horrible behavior.

Make your wife HAPPY…

For husbands who are burdened with their wife’s “monstrous evolution”, be reminded that women can be truly happy with the little things that men do. We don’t really need the most expensive diamond with the best cut or the finest flower arrangements.

Here are a few ways to make your wife happy and for you to enjoy once again her beauty and grace that made you say “I do.” :
  • Stay with her and communicate, not just to hear but to listen. Most of the time, women just want someone that they can talk to, especially about their fears or just about anything. And most married women would prefer their husband to listen to them. Being listened to is far more meaningful than just being heard. Let us be reminded once again that listening is about paying attention on what others are saying and taking them into account, while merely hearing is just being aware on what others have to say without understanding with the heart. Women want to be understood. Most of the time, you don’t even have to say your opinion, just listen with your heart and be thoughtful to hug her after she talks.
  • Be sensitive when you are having a day off from work and change more diapers. When your child has a dirty diaper, don’t rely to your wife to change it all the time. Whenever time and space can allow you, do it for your wife and she will be very thankful.
  • Surprise her. No, you don’t need to buy some fancy stuff to do this. You can just get a sticky note pad, write things from your heart, or just a simple “I love you… have a great day ahead. Take loads of care!” note and placed somewhere where you are sure that she can find. Your wife will be so happy and yearn for the afternoon to come for you to be together again. You will have a big hug and a kiss instead of the usual bad mood or whinny statements that most husbands complain of. You may even have a hearty dinner together with the family, instead of opening canned goods because she feels so tired to cook.
  • Let her know that you are alright especially when you need to go out of town. Don’t forget to call her to tell her not to worry because you are okay. And if you do so, be sure that you are REALLY okay. And don’t forget to say “I love you” from the heart before hanging up.
  • If your wife has a job, visit her at her working place from time to time. You can bring some flowers or just invite her for lunch. She will soon be the envy of her co- workers for having a thoughtful and sweet husband, and as they tell her all these compliments, she will realize much more how much she has been blessed to have you for a husband. Sometimes, we all need constant reminders that we have wonderful husbands.
  • If your wife stays full time in the house, make her happy by helping her enjoy her hobbies much more and give her opportunities to make her own money. I love to make hand crafted jewelries and other things as such, and I love to write. So when my husband and I decided that I have to be a full time mom and wife, he bought and put up necessary materials so that I could enjoy doing my hobbies, and helped me make money out of them. This simple act of love enhances your wife's creativity, as well as her self esteem and even helps her stay away from boredom and depression. Aside from that, it gives her the chance to make extra cash even if she is not employed while enjoying all her time with you and the kids.
  • Hire a house helper if needed once a week or more often to keep your nest clean and comfortable. Help your wife with the household chores. Take note that doing this will get all the chores done faster and that means more time for you and the kids to bond together.
  • Say, “I love you” whenever she says the same. Women say these words from the heart and your wife deserves something equally affectionate. Never respond with “I know,” or other things like, “Thanks”.
  • NEVER compare her with other women. You married her because she is one of a kind, and make her feel that she is special because she is unique.
  • Take care of your kids as a “father” not the “baby- sitter”.
  • PLEASE DO NOT say bad words, especially when your kids are near enough to hear it. Your wife won’t be pleased to hear her 4 year old kid say the b***s*** words.
  • Never learn to forget to maintain your proper hygiene like you did when you were still a bachelor. Most husbands complain that their wife is becoming untidy and ugly, never realizing that they are undergoing the same transformation.
  • Watch your diet as much as you like your wife to watch hers.
  • Encourage your wife to bond with her good girl buddies. Let her go on a girl’s night out once in a while. She will thank you for that.
  • Never forget to give her a deep, slow, long and loving kiss. You never failed to do that when you were dating, now that you can do it anytime you like, do it whole heartedly again, and AGAIN… and AGAIN.
  • Keep in mind, the best things in life are FREE. I can still remember when I first used a hand bag to work which was given to me by my husband. One of my co- workers said, “Wow, I like your bag… where did you buy that?” and I answered, “I don’t know, my husband bought it for me.” And almost all of my married co- workers said, “Oh, you are so lucky to have a thoughtful husband...” I just said, “Oh, yes I am…” Deep in my heart, I know that I am really blessed for having a very thoughtful husband, not because of the bag or any material things that he has given me. What came to my mind that moment are the days that we spent eating street foods while we take a walk down town… I most treasure the companionship he gives as we hold hands eating the cheapest food in town! And at this moment, I know, that if I could have FIVE LIVES, I WILL CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE FIVE TIMES TO THE MAN I MARRIED. 

.... for WIVES TOO

Of course, there are many more ways to keep your wife happy. And I bet you know it better than me… Hey, she is YOUR WIFE you know her much more than anyone else does (aside from her parents maybe… lol!). Every day, keep in your heart and mind why you married her.

Errrr… I guess I have to address the wives out there too. Your husbands are struggling as much as you do, so as much as they like to keep you happy, try to make them feel the same. Try the tips above, and add up your own tricks.

“The best gift that a father can give to his children is to love their mother…” We have all heard this before… but can we make it this way, “The best way to show your kids that you love them is to love one another through the good and the bad…” For all married women, please do not put all the loads to your husbands, share the load with them and you will both be happy. Hey, husbands, please do the same! Have a joyful family life!

Copyright of DjBryle, 2011
Images courtesy of Nuttakit and Africa at

It is BEST to GROW OLD with that ONE PERSON we vowed to LOVE and CHERISH FOREVER...

"... There is NO ROOM for TRUST in a MAN who can not be TRUE to someone that HE VOWED TO LOVE AND CHERISH before GOD and MAN. For if one can't be true to that promise, one can fool anyone around him... If behind any successful man is a woman, keep in mind that behind every successful, beautiful and happy wife is a THOUGHTFUL AND TRULY LOVING and TRUSTWORTHY HUSBAND..." (DjBryle, "Are You The OTHER ONE?")