Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How to Keep Your WIFE HAPPY (For Good Husbands... and Wives Too)

(Image copyrighted to DjBryle)
“… I wish I could have five lives. Then I could have been born in five different towns, and eaten five times’s worth of food, and had five different careers, and fallen in love with THE SAME PERSON FIVE TIMES…” This is a quote sent to me through a text message from a good friend few days ago, and it made me laugh and think twice. Would a married man tell these things whole heartedly after marrying the woman he fell in love with?

Most of the time, I can hear my guy buddies complain about their wives being insensitive and how much they have changed after marriage. I laugh and say that, most (if not all) married women are asking those same questions.  As the old adage says, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus…” the two genders will never ever really understand each other as much as they want to.

I know that I am not in the right position to suggest things that may alleviate the burdens of these married men. As one of those women from Venus, I honestly don’t know how to understand men as much as I would like to. So I humbly admit that all I could do to give a little help for my buddies and to some husbands out there is to remind them again what truly makes a woman happy.

Gone are the days when you were both care free and could spend all the time being alone since your first child was born. And as naturally as other married people, you can always watch so many things that seem to change, like her mood that used to be so jolly and loving turned into being rude. She may also be feeling tired and exhausted most of the time that you slowly feel like you are her last priority. Before you worry so much about the “evolution” of an adorable woman into a horrible monster, think twice. Here are a few things to keep in mind to at least understand your loving wife:
  • Marriage has given both of you new tasks and responsibilities, this means that both of you should adjust and make compromises if necessary.
  • If you worry that your wife is becoming physically ugly, analyze why. She might not have so much time to take care of herself because she puts the needs of your kids and yours her first priority before her own.
  • Being a single woman is so much easier than being a mom and wife, so if she starts to show some mood swings, or starts being rude, realize that she may need more of your attention and needs to communicate, or she might need some time alone.
  • Many (if not all) husbands manifest alterations from adorable to being a “monster” without them realizing it. So, before wondering why your wife is becoming a fearsome monster, be wary of your unconscious evolution too. You might be one of the causes of your wife’s horrible behavior.

Make your wife HAPPY…

For husbands who are burdened with their wife’s “monstrous evolution”, be reminded that women can be truly happy with the little things that men do. We don’t really need the most expensive diamond with the best cut or the finest flower arrangements.

Here are a few ways to make your wife happy and for you to enjoy once again her beauty and grace that made you say “I do.” :
  • Stay with her and communicate, not just to hear but to listen. Most of the time, women just want someone that they can talk to, especially about their fears or just about anything. And most married women would prefer their husband to listen to them. Being listened to is far more meaningful than just being heard. Let us be reminded once again that listening is about paying attention on what others are saying and taking them into account, while merely hearing is just being aware on what others have to say without understanding with the heart. Women want to be understood. Most of the time, you don’t even have to say your opinion, just listen with your heart and be thoughtful to hug her after she talks.
  • Be sensitive when you are having a day off from work and change more diapers. When your child has a dirty diaper, don’t rely to your wife to change it all the time. Whenever time and space can allow you, do it for your wife and she will be very thankful.
  • Surprise her. No, you don’t need to buy some fancy stuff to do this. You can just get a sticky note pad, write things from your heart, or just a simple “I love you… have a great day ahead. Take loads of care!” note and placed somewhere where you are sure that she can find. Your wife will be so happy and yearn for the afternoon to come for you to be together again. You will have a big hug and a kiss instead of the usual bad mood or whinny statements that most husbands complain of. You may even have a hearty dinner together with the family, instead of opening canned goods because she feels so tired to cook.
  • Let her know that you are alright especially when you need to go out of town. Don’t forget to call her to tell her not to worry because you are okay. And if you do so, be sure that you are REALLY okay. And don’t forget to say “I love you” from the heart before hanging up.
  • If your wife has a job, visit her at her working place from time to time. You can bring some flowers or just invite her for lunch. She will soon be the envy of her co- workers for having a thoughtful and sweet husband, and as they tell her all these compliments, she will realize much more how much she has been blessed to have you for a husband. Sometimes, we all need constant reminders that we have wonderful husbands.
  • If your wife stays full time in the house, make her happy by helping her enjoy her hobbies much more and give her opportunities to make her own money. I love to make hand crafted jewelries and other things as such, and I love to write. So when my husband and I decided that I have to be a full time mom and wife, he bought and put up necessary materials so that I could enjoy doing my hobbies, and helped me make money out of them. This simple act of love enhances your wife's creativity, as well as her self esteem and even helps her stay away from boredom and depression. Aside from that, it gives her the chance to make extra cash even if she is not employed while enjoying all her time with you and the kids.
  • Hire a house helper if needed once a week or more often to keep your nest clean and comfortable. Help your wife with the household chores. Take note that doing this will get all the chores done faster and that means more time for you and the kids to bond together.
  • Say, “I love you” whenever she says the same. Women say these words from the heart and your wife deserves something equally affectionate. Never respond with “I know,” or other things like, “Thanks”.
  • NEVER compare her with other women. You married her because she is one of a kind, and make her feel that she is special because she is unique.
  • Take care of your kids as a “father” not the “baby- sitter”.
  • PLEASE DO NOT say bad words, especially when your kids are near enough to hear it. Your wife won’t be pleased to hear her 4 year old kid say the b***s*** words.
  • Never learn to forget to maintain your proper hygiene like you did when you were still a bachelor. Most husbands complain that their wife is becoming untidy and ugly, never realizing that they are undergoing the same transformation.
  • Watch your diet as much as you like your wife to watch hers.
  • Encourage your wife to bond with her good girl buddies. Let her go on a girl’s night out once in a while. She will thank you for that.
  • Never forget to give her a deep, slow, long and loving kiss. You never failed to do that when you were dating, now that you can do it anytime you like, do it whole heartedly again, and AGAIN… and AGAIN.
  • Keep in mind, the best things in life are FREE. I can still remember when I first used a hand bag to work which was given to me by my husband. One of my co- workers said, “Wow, I like your bag… where did you buy that?” and I answered, “I don’t know, my husband bought it for me.” And almost all of my married co- workers said, “Oh, you are so lucky to have a thoughtful husband...” I just said, “Oh, yes I am…” Deep in my heart, I know that I am really blessed for having a very thoughtful husband, not because of the bag or any material things that he has given me. What came to my mind that moment are the days that we spent eating street foods while we take a walk down town… I most treasure the companionship he gives as we hold hands eating the cheapest food in town! And at this moment, I know, that if I could have FIVE LIVES, I WILL CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE FIVE TIMES TO THE MAN I MARRIED. 

.... for WIVES TOO

Of course, there are many more ways to keep your wife happy. And I bet you know it better than me… Hey, she is YOUR WIFE you know her much more than anyone else does (aside from her parents maybe… lol!). Every day, keep in your heart and mind why you married her.

Errrr… I guess I have to address the wives out there too. Your husbands are struggling as much as you do, so as much as they like to keep you happy, try to make them feel the same. Try the tips above, and add up your own tricks.

“The best gift that a father can give to his children is to love their mother…” We have all heard this before… but can we make it this way, “The best way to show your kids that you love them is to love one another through the good and the bad…” For all married women, please do not put all the loads to your husbands, share the load with them and you will both be happy. Hey, husbands, please do the same! Have a joyful family life!

Copyright of DjBryle, 2011
Images courtesy of Nuttakit and Africa at

It is BEST to GROW OLD with that ONE PERSON we vowed to LOVE and CHERISH FOREVER...

"... There is NO ROOM for TRUST in a MAN who can not be TRUE to someone that HE VOWED TO LOVE AND CHERISH before GOD and MAN. For if one can't be true to that promise, one can fool anyone around him... If behind any successful man is a woman, keep in mind that behind every successful, beautiful and happy wife is a THOUGHTFUL AND TRULY LOVING and TRUSTWORTHY HUSBAND..." (DjBryle, "Are You The OTHER ONE?")

Friday, April 20, 2012

Halo- halo De Iloko 8th. Year Anniversary Summary of Events

(Image courtesy of Sir Xavier B. Mercado)
April 18, 2012 marked Halo- halo De Iloko's 8th. Year Anniversary. As part of the celebration, the management have started their art show entitled, "Ninuno ArtShow at Halo- halo De Iloko" last March 20, 2012. The art show aims to promote paintings and art works by Filipino artists, among them are some paintings of the renowned artist Dong Ilay who designed Halo- halo De Iloko's souvenir t- shirts. The art exhibit will culminate on the 22nd of April 2012.

Miss Chrisme of Halo- halo De Iloko showing us some of the masterpieces at the "Ninuno AstShow"

Sir Xavier Mercado- owner and manager of Halo- halo De Iloko, showing us more art exhibits

Halo- halo De Iloko's Souvenir T-shirt designed by DONG ILAY

The 8th. Year AnniverSARAP Street foods event started last April 18 and the last day will be today! So hurry now, grab the chance to savor those street foods served at this really cozy place... for once, experience "street" foods in the ambiance of a "home" =)

Here are more images of Halo- halo De Iloko's foods, ambiance and everything in the place anyone would love to call "Balay"!

Catch some fresh air, and chat with friends at the lobby

We love halo- halo even more if it comes from Halo- halo De Iloko

Simple breakfast dish made special


... and soooo yummmy!!!
(All images in this section is a courtesy of Sir Xavier B. Mercado- owner and manger of Halo- halo De Iloko)

 Visit Halo- halo De Iloko now at its NEW LOCATION at 12 Zandueta St. San Fernando City La Union!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Halo- halo De Iloko - More Than Just Your "Halo- halo"...

One of the most memorable places that I frequently visit years back is this one cool place called “Halo- halo De Iloko”. It was located at the heart of the town of San Fernando, La Union a few walks away from St. William’s Cathedral. I can still remember its ambiance the first time I visited way back in 2005, when it was barely a year old. It was a small place but I enjoyed my stay with my co- clinical instructor friends, the interior design was exotic as compared to other restaurants in the city, very original and cozy and the halo- halo had a distinct taste that I wanted to visit the place as often as I could just to have a taste of it.  

Old location of Halo- halo De Iloko
Years have passed since then, and now, I got another chance to visit the place. They are now at their new location at 12 Zandueta St. San Fernando, La Union - which is still at the heart of the city a few walks from St. William’s Cathedral. The interior design was way better than what was once, it has more than just an exotic effect; it has a more homey touch. The temperature soared high that day, so I decided to order their halo- halo. I was excited, and I ordered just the original and regular halo- halo since I knew from the start how good it tasted. The friendly waitress asked me if I would add up some ice cream, and I said no. Laughing out loud inside, I knew I would feel very satisfied with the halo- halo they call “regular” at their menu list… yet it is so “special” in my mind… lol!

By the way, this day was also very special for me and my husband since I have asked for a scheduled interview with any of the “Halo- halo De Iloko” admin staff and I was so lucky enough to be given the chance for it.Well... I felt lucky when they said "yes" but I felt so blessed the time I was informed by miss Chrisme (one of the restaurant's personnel) that I will be given the chance to interview Mr. Xavier B. Mercado! Yes- the same Xavier Mercado who manage and owns the place! Isn't that lovely?! He was just like any other gentleman who wore clean jeans and t- shirt, a very down to earth person... yet we all know that he had so much to brag about. Why not? This young gentleman who is able to maintain a happy and healthy family with a very lovely wife and adorable two kids is also able to manage one (if not the best) of the best performing establishments in Region 1. A graduate of A. B Mass Communications major in Journalism and Broadcasting from the University of Cordilleras, who also finished his Master of Arts in Mass Communications. He had the chance to be employed by ABS- CBN as he took up some units in Teaching and who once dreamed of interviewing popular people from the entertainment and business industries.

Sir Xavier said, the "Halo- halo De Iloko" had humble beginnings. His dad and mom were so nervous as he decided to put up a business since their family line did not have any experience putting up a business of their own. He said that only his late grand mom was engaged in business who was into selling "banig", vegetables and eventually tobaccos. He used to accompany his grandma at the public market to sell her goods until he had to stay in Baguio City to study. As he opened up his business, he had to make out of what he had, so he decided to borrow old furniture from his parents and some money from his friends. Way back in 2004, they only opened from 3pm to 7pm and earned Php1, 999 per day! Hey, that's good earning heh! =)
New location of Halo- halo De Iloko at 12 Zandueta St., San Fernando City La union

As of the moment, we all know that "Halo- halo De Iloko" is doing great. All recipes on its menu list is a product of the owner and his family's love for food. They serve all original menus that was taste tested by his loving wife and other family members who are all food lovers. The "OKOY TIKYOSKO" is derived from the original name of a Filipino delicacy which is made of squash, carrots, malunggay, shrimp and sprouted monggo but with a twist of an all original home made longganisa especially prepared by sir Xavier's mom that is why "tikyo" which is the nickname of sir Xavier is added to the recipe's name. All longganisa and longganisa tidbits are home made by sir Xavier's mom and all recipes are originally formulated by him and his loving wife. Oh, I just love their "EMPAREDADOS" which also has longganisa tidbits filling... and of course I could never stop dreaming of their "regular" halo- halo.

"Okoy Tikyosko" served with "Sumayet Vinegar" ( Image courtesy of sir Xavier B. Mercado)

I love their "Emparedados"

Their regular Halo- halo is so distinctively different, I don't need an ice cream to satisfy my taste buds!
The interior design of this place was conceptualized, planned and implemented by sir Xavier, it is of the ethnic kind, full of antiques with some images of his own family. Their new venue is formerly their family house. This place does not only offer those all original menus, but also the comfort of being at home, where in you can savor the goodness of his family's companionship and the hospitable ambiance provided by his personnel.

Sir Xavier B. Mercado showing us the 2nd floor of Halo- halo De Iloko (Balay Mercado)

 Miss Chrisme with some paintings for the Artshow which started last March 20, 2012 and will culminate on April 22, 2012
Yours truly with Miss Chrisme.
With Sir Xavier B. Mercado, owner and manager of Halo- halo De Iloko
The college graduate who once dreamed of interviewing popular people of all walks of industries is now the owner of La Union's best, which is now visited by well known personalities and people who are looked up to from politicians to celebrities and businessmen. Sir Xavier Mercado is now the one being interviewed by the mass media. 

Last April 18, 2012 (oh, that was yesterday... lol!) marked their 8th. year of serving their all authentic and original menus, with the loving sparks of their own family's hospitality. One thing I noticed that is really authentic which I only had the chance to enjoy at Halo- halo De Iloko is their very "family- like" way of mingling with their various clients. They are able to treat everyone who walks in their place they call "Balay" like a member of their family. And yes! I would love to call it my "Balay" too! Happy 8 years of being our second home, HALO- HALO DE ILOKO! We wish you hundred more years to spend with food lovers like us! And hey, I love food even more especially if it comes from Halo- halo De Iloko! Magpasarap na po tayo at La Union's FINEST! Cheers! 
Hey! I can't help but share this "KALAMIAS JUICE" - a combination of Kamias and Kalamnsi juice, served with pure honey from Bacnotan La Union and "Pulitipot" (caramelized sugar from pure sugar cane). This was served to us during our visit at Halo- halo De Iloko. The "KALAMIAS JUICE" WILL BE INTRODUCED TO THEIR CLIENTS SOME TIME IN MAY 2012. Don't forget to try it as soon as it is available, take my word for it, it is very delicious and really refreshing! Aside from that, you get all of nature's natural benefits of honey and Vitamin C!
I will be releasing even more updates on HALO- HALO DE ILOKO'S 8TH. ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION during the day, so watch for it. Mapan tayo apo, pumasyar idiay Balay Mercado! (Let us visit the home of the Mercados!)

(Image courtesy of Sir Xavier B. Mercado)

Visit HALO- HALO DE ILOKO now at 12 Zandueta St, San Fernando City La union or call them at (072) 700- 2030/ +63919- 388- 3145/ +63917- 852- 7919. 

Special thanks to SIR XAVIER MERCADO and to his personnel, especially to Miss Chrisme for the warm welcome. Happy Anniversary, HALO- HALO DE ILOKO!

*Copyright by Jen Magante, 2012 ( All images are credited to Jen Magante unless credited otherwise)


Saturday, April 14, 2012

NORTH KOREA's Message to The United States (Only?...)

       The hand that "holds" the world, are the hands that can hold not only the United States and Iran, but US ALL... (Image courtesy of Dan/
Although the launching of a massive missile by North Korea failed for lift off, there seem to be a violation of a vital International Agreement. Let us be reminded (or even be informed for some) that the North Korea has made agreement with Washington in the past month to stop Uranium enrichment and missile tests in exchange for the United States to deliver 240,000 tons of food to sustain their nation. 

History will show us that many times before, the United States could not have so much to do about these activities which were and are still being done. This is a very alarming message to the most powerful nation in the world and a very strong message to all the regimes who are planning to start a nuclear program of their own. 

The United States warned North Korea to stop the launch and President Barack Obama, warned that "treaties are binding. Rules will be enforced. And violations will have consequences." Lately, they have informed the world that the "consequences" might be the sudden decision of the United States that they will no longer deliver the food that they have agreed on in the past month, and this would leave the people of North Korea hungry. This is an evidence that they could let their whole nation suffer just to "put on" what the "few" have decided to put on.

Is this only a message to the United States that they could no longer be the most powerful nation, and Iran that they could go on with their own plans of their own nuclear programs? Or is this a message to the world? Is this something to show us all that some people can manipulate everyone because of innovations that some people call "for development" or "for their own nation's protection"... yet it could leave the whole world in danger, helpless and hungry (not only for food, but also for security) even of their own nation that they claim they long to "protect". Whatever the real reason is, what we all could see is some kind of world manipulation... or is it just me wondering why they have a budget for a nuclear program but have the need for an aid for food?

For more details, you can visit Frida Ghitis's update on

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Stay Beautiful On A Budget

“To me, Beauty is the wonder of wonders...It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.” - Oscar Wilde

It is a reality that although we were brought up not to judge others with their physical appearance, we can’t deny the fact that physical appearance is the one thing that we see first in a person. It is the first thing that attracts or shoo us away. This may be one of the many reasons why beauty spa and skin care centers are sprouting like mushrooms.

Although everyone aspire to be physically attractive, not everyone is capable enough to pay for the services at the beauty care centers, or even buy the best beauty products there is in the market. Some may end up buying the products with the cheaper price and end up with unwanted results, like skin discolorations, allergies and many other skin alterations brought about by ineffective beauty products.
Aside from lack of budget, we may also lack time to make ourselves physically attractive. With this life’s trying times, 24 hours may not even be enough to do the chores and other more important responsibilities that we need to do everyday.

Being unable to have time and budget for staying and feeling beautiful may affect some people deeply. It may be heart breaking for some, and it may alter their own self perception. They may lose their confidence and feel bad about themselves.

On the bright side, there are many tricks that are cheaper or even free of charge to look good. The best part is, one can even do them without so much time or even with no alterations with their busy schedules.

Here are a few helpful tricks to look beautiful on a budget, and without sabotaging a busy schedule:
  • Start your day right.
If you don’t have time to exercise early in the morning, make sure to stretch before leaving your bed. Tense all your muscles for 10 seconds and relax after. You can do this 3 to 5 times and then rise.
Eat your breakfast to provide you with the much needed energy and stop you from being hungry later. Skipping your breakfast may cause hunger pangs that would cause you to eat much more than your body requirements during the day. This may lead to gaining unwanted weight. Eat this vital meal and make it a healthy one.
  • Beautify while you sleep.
NEVER use a cotton pillow. Cotton does not allow your face to glide freely whenever you move which causes sleep lines, this may in overtime cause permanent fine lines and wrinkles. Buy pillow cases which are made of silk or satins (buy the synthetic ones to stay on a budget). These fabrics enable your face to move freely so to avoid sleep lines. As much as possible, don’t sleep on a prone position so that you are not lying on your face.
  • Relieve stress while taking a shower.
As you shampoo, press the pads of your fingertips into your scalp in a circular motion,
along your hairline, around your ears, and up and down your scalp. Do not forget to massage your scalp, this does not only relax you but it will also take away oil at the roots of your hair.
While you soap your body, use a loofah sponge. It helps you relax and even rids you off of your dead skin cells.
  • Keep your hair shiny.
Shampoo your hair concentrating on the oiliest part which is the roots. Do not rub the ends of your hair for it may cause dryness. Condition concentrating on the midshaft to the end, do not concentrate on the roots because it is where your natural oils are concentrated and it does not need so much conditioning on that part. This will also prevent your hair from losing its volume. And will help in maintaining your hair style.Use a towel that is made of a microfiber to wrap your hair after shampoo. It absorbs moist faster which helps in avoiding long exposure to hair driers.
  • Know the best time to shave.
Do not stay longer than 3 minutes while you are in the shower before deciding to shave. Your hair may hide when your skin is soaked up on water beyond 3 minutes, this will make it harder for you to shave. Shave in the direction of hair growth first then again in the opposite direction. This will help prevent ingrown hair.
  • Keep a young looking hand.
The hands are where we can see visible early signs of aging. Don’t forget to wear protective gloves whenever you do household chores like house cleaning, washing your clothes, doing the dishes or whenever you cook as these activities exposes your hands to harsh chemicals and prolonged water exposure. Water expands your nail layers which cause splitting and chipping; prolonged water exposure also cause skin dryness and itching.
Moisturize whenever you wash. Massage cuticles with an olive oil which helps condition your cuticles and maintain your manicure. This may also help lessen your visits to your manicurist.
  • Know the best time to moisturize.
The best time to moisturize your skin is when it is still damp. This allows your skin to absorb more moisture compared to its absorption when it is completely dry. You can also heat up a handful of your lotion by setting your hair drier on a low and letting it blow on your lotion placed on your palm (Set your dryer on low and aim it down toward your palm, at least 3 inches away to avoid any mess). Heated lotion helps dilate your skin cells causing better moisture absorption. You will have a softer and silkier skin.
  • Get whiter teeth.
As much as possible, brush your teeth every after meals. If this is not possible, munch on a crunchy fruit or vegetable such as apples, and carrots. Munching on these goodies stimulates saliva production which is helpful in flushing away any particles that may stain your teeth.
Use a straw whenever you drink on some beverages that may stain your precious smile. Coffee, red wine, deep colored juices, and dark colored soda are just examples. You can also consider having clear or light colored drinks such as a clear soda, chamomile tea or the ever best drink which is water.
Every other day or even everyday, before you go to bed, use a pinch of baking soda together with your toothpaste when you brush to keep your teeth whiter. Most whitening toothpaste are more expensive.
  • Protect your skin from the sun.
Most, if not all premature aging is caused by the damaging rays of the sun. Use a sun block that protects you both from UVA and UVB rays. Sun blocks may be a little expensive but it is all worth it to put it on whenever you are exposed to the sun. It does not only protect you from premature aging but it also lessens your risk to have skin cancer.If your budget does not allow you to buy this skin essential, try saving a little every time you get your salary and in due time, you can buy a good sun block cream or lotion.

Use light colored umbrella and clothing when staying under the sun. The light color will reflect back the rays and thereby protecting you from its harmful effects.
  • Drink LOTS of water and get enough sleep.
It is a reality that we often forget the cheapest yet some of the best ways to looking great- Drinking enough water and getting enough sleep. So drink lots of water and get enough sleep as much as possible. These help rejuvenate our cells, which helps so much in attaining a more healthy and glowing skin.
  • Spend quality time.
The most vital to staying beautiful is to spend some quality time with your love ones, or just being by yourself doing things that you love to do. Most of all spend time in prayer. These activities rid you off stress which triggers the release of feel bad hormones that also speeds up your aging.

These are just common ways to stay young looking and beautiful but are sometimes overlooked upon because of the evolution of beauty products and enhancers that takes so much time to do and much money to spend. Time and again, it is always great to look back and realize that some how it is easy to be beautiful despite the everyday rush and the failing economy. Feel great and stay beautiful as you save money and time.

All images courtesy of Andy Newson/

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mending A Soul (Forgive... and Forget?)

Image courtesy of Nattakit/
 Every one of us have been in one way or another hurt by other people. The experience could be very devastating and heart breaking most especially if the ones who caused us pain are the people we hold most dear in our hearts. Once damage is done, forgiveness is the most difficult thing to do and forgetting is somewhat as elusive as literally flying without wings.

I was browsing through a social networking site one day and I saw this post from a good friend of mine, “I can still remember a teacher in high school once told us that forgiving without forgetting gives no essence to forgiveness…” Does it mean that if we can’t forget we can never forgive? The old adage that says, “Forgive and forget…” is easier said than done. The mere fact of forgiving who caused one to feel so bad or even cause a very long time pain that may have even altered one’s life is too difficult to do. It would require so much courage to move mountains and do such an act. Forgetting on the other hand is way too far more difficult than to forgive. How could one forget that once in his life, someone made him cry every night for long years? Who made him lose his self worth, altered his life or even lose his wonderful future?

I have forgiven YOU... but YOU still make me cry!...

Image courtesy of Africa/

Let me share another quote from one of my favorite television series. It goes something like this: “After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here's what I've decided. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think life and circumstance have forced us truly to become an adult, your mother says something like that. Or worse, something like that. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.” – (Meredith Grey, “Grey’s Anatomy”)

It is a reality that deep wounds in the past or even in our childhood linger in our hearts. As we take the journey of life, we try and try hard to forgive. We may even say and make ourselves believe that we have really forgiven all the ones who have hurt us. But each time we remember, we still burst into tears and then again try to find solace in our own little world called “secret closet of my own hurts.” It is sad and even more difficult to admit, but the forgiveness we make ourselves believe in this aspect is just too superficial and this is the very reason why the hurt we once knew are just deep within our deepest seat of emotions still lurking around and instantly coming out each time we remember. 

How does one FORGIVE?

Although most people would not believe, forgetting is NOT a way to forgiveness. Forgetting may just cause one to give superficial pardoning but not real forgiveness. Good friends may even tell us every time someone had caused us pain to just forget because the one who caused us pain does not deserve our time and effort. Our friends may really mean well when they tell us such a thing but it does not cure the pain we feel inside. Sometimes, we even feel that this pain which we may even carry to the last days of our life are just treated as trivial if we keep on believing that such an act of forgetting is the way to forgiveness. While deep down inside, we are suffering much more than anyone can imagine. This happens every now and then because it is human nature that the more we try to forget, the more we remember. So, what then can we do?“The fact is that very often the harmful effects of past injuries stay with us whether or not we consciously remember…” (Dr. David Scoop and Dr. James Masteller, “Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Ourselves”)

Forgetting should be the last resort in the process of forgiveness. The hurtful acts should be remembered in a healing way* for only then can we give true forgiveness to the one who caused us pain and to our own selves. Trying hard to “forget” just causes us to suppress ourselves from remembering yet we store them in our subconscious mind. We deceive our very self and we can never be free from the pains in the past. Whenever we try to forget painful memories, we are basically in denial.

Remember in a HEALING WAY…

Sometimes we focus too much on the things that hurt us, making us miss the goodness and the wonderful blessings we receive each moment that we spend our journey with life- especially when we are hurt and dealing with so much emotional pain. Don't spend much time crying over spilled milk, smile and realize that the glass is not broken. Remember the good that the hurtful act has caused you; did it make you more mature… more responsible or other positive things that may have happened because of the harm that has been done? Has the pain made you stronger? Do not focus on how much pain you felt but keep in mind how bad things have strengthened you. Remember such hurtful memories in a different perspective and focus on the positive that it has brought into your life. Although we are aware or not, a painful past and wrongdoings of others towards us are the reasons why we get more inspired to be better… to reach for our dreams and somehow show them that we are tougher than the tough things they brought into our life.

Keep in mind that remembering in this aspect is not doing it with bitterness but with thoughtful mind to learn from what once was and with the knowledge that one could never be as sturdy as he is right now if not for what has hurt him in the past. What we are today are products of yesterdays, and there is no doubt that whether we admit it or not we are blessed because after all, we managed to live to the present.

Should You Forgive....

Keeping hatred is like bringing baggage of rocks in one's journey to life...


Image courtesy of Ambro/

WHEN do I forgive?

“The process of forgiveness always begins with a decision. It is an act of the will, something we choose to do because we know it is healthy and right, even though we may not “feel like it” at the moment.” (Dr. David Scoop and Dr. James Masteller, “Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Ourselves”)
Deciding to forgive is the first step to giving forgiveness. And in doing so, one should learn the reasons why he should decide to forgive, why it is the right thing to do and why is it healthy.

As much as we have to forgive others, we should not forget to forgive ourselves too. Sometimes, we add up to the hurts we feel because we may blame ourselves for not having the courage or the chance to do to protect it. Decide to forgive your own shortcomings and you’ll find it easier to forgive others.

Deciding to forgive is the right thing to do because, no one is perfect. And as much as others need to be forgiven, we do the same. If we keep burning bridges just because we don’t forgive, we will soon find no bridge to burn… we can never live alone. Remember the old adage, “No man is an island.”
One should decide to forgive because it does not only ease the burden of his oppressor, but his own burden as well. When one decides to forgive, he gets rid of his own hurtful feelings. It gives him peace of mind; he could feel his life lighten and he does not have to worry on making ways and reasons not to meet someone who has hurt him during an unexpected time- maybe when he goes to the mall or even when he walks down the street.

It is healthy to forgive because it helps preserve one’s sanity. It rids one off his stresses and therefore decreases the risk for him to acquire stress related diseases and illnesses someday.
If one never learns to forgive, he is just giving the one who caused him pain a chance to hurt him again and again for as long as hatred is burning in his heart. His oppressor can make him feel bad and cry rivers of tears without even trying hard.

Forgive once you have decided to forgive. Learn each day of your life to forget the hurt, but remember the act that has hurt you and the one who has done it to you in a healing way. You will someday realize that the most hurtful events in your life are really your own bridges of growth. God is pleased with the ones who know how to forgive… and He gives enough courage to those who try hard to forget the hurts of wrongdoings done to them but never forgetting the lessons learned.

As we take the journey of life, we can never be free of hurts and pains… but as long as God is beside us, we can learn to FORGIVE, and REMEMBER IN A HEALING WAY.

*Dr. David Scoop and Dr. James Masteller, “Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Ourselves”
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